Peering forward

I miss Charlie, the postal worker at the Baker post office. Yesterday when I went to buy stamps for some items, the lady just gave me the stamps and my items back instead of putting the stamps on the items and taking them for me, like Charlie does. Oh well.
It's been just more than a week since Meg left, and I've pretty much gotten used to being on my own. A good (and bad) part of living alone is having lots of time for self-reflection. The theme of the past week or so for me has been that frightening, looming abstraction: my future. Just when I thought I had gotten to the point where I was comfortable with where I was and in my ability to just take things as they come. I guess I'm just scared to grow up. Some days I wish I was about 26 already so I could skip the young-person-figuring-out-her-life bit. I know that this is supposed to be the fun time, when I can explore different ideas and careers and places and decide what I want to make of my life. But I guess in this respect I'm a planner - I like to know what the next step is so I can prepare myself for it and move forward with a clear concept of what I'm getting into. So much of my life right now is variable. I don't have a job or any real plans for after I'm done out here. I could literally go anywhere, do anything. But mostly what I want to do is go home.
For years I prided myself on being adventerous and independent, willing to do whatever I had to do what I set my mind to. But after four years of college, two trips to Europe and almost two months in California, I'm realizing that the only place I want to be is home. I miss my family and the familiarity. And though I'm not sure exactly what I want to "do with my life," I hope I can do some good there, something to make my hometown a better place.
Alrighty, enough of that business. Plenty of time left for me to over-analyze and stress myself out over all that.